![]() Over the course of a lifetime, you will be constantly adding landmarks, texture, and color. The task for new couples is to intentionally be adding details to that map. But the map you hand your partner is a pencil sketch. It includes your deepest fears and your grandest dreams. Your inner world is, of course, quite complex including the memories of your past, the details of your present, your hopes for the future. Think of it this way: When you choose to spend your life with someone, you hand them a map to your inner world. Gottman’s term for getting to know your partner’s world is called Build Love Maps. Make it a priority over the lifetime of your relationship.ĭr. Another way of saying this is you can always get to know your partner better. I promise you, there is, and always will be, more that you don’t know about your partner than you do. This is the primary task of the new couple just starting out. They stayed married because they liked each other. The couple married for 62 years didn’t stay married because of the absence of conflict, or their enthusiastic sex life, or their good luck. It’s the thing that sustains a relationship. ![]() Gottman’s Sound Relationship House theory. Marital friendship is the foundation of Dr. But I suspect most of them survive on the basis of a strong marital friendship. Why do we do that? Why are we impressed with these folks? What makes them special? More importantly, what’s their secret? How did they manage to stay together so long? Surely some of these long-term marriages are the result of endurance and stubbornness. We cheer and say something like, “Wow! That’s unbelievable.” Their dance is creaky and off-balance, but still, everyone applauds. Then there’s just the one couple - married 62 years. ![]() Eventually, there are just one or two couples left, someone’s grandparents or even great-grandparents. Then he says something like, “If you’ve been married less than one year, please leave the floor.” A few moments later, “If you’ve been married less than three years, please leave the floor.” You know that moment at a wedding when the DJ invites all the married people onto the dance floor for a slow dance.
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